Senin, 29 Agustus 2011

Toddler Aikido - What I Learned About Parenting From the Martial Arts




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I studied martial arts for lots of years, and I have decided that raising toddlers is the perfect achievable training in conflict management. As any one that has studied martial arts (or watched Karate Kid) knows, classic martial arts are about conflict management 1st, and fighting second. You are supposed to stay clear of conflict at all expenses - avoid doing harm. Only under the most dire circumstances are you justified in making use of your art. The inner self-awareness and control necessary to do this is partially how martial arts and spirituality became linked.


That is why martial arts movies that show training sequences normally have lots of standing-in-the-rain-on-one-leg-overnight scenes, or doing-the-teacher's-laundry-for-a-year sequences. The student is supposed to be creating patience, humility, and self-control. Nicely, those strategies have absolutely nothing on raising a toddler - or two, as in my case, with two-year old twins (and a 4-year old huge sister to boot.) What needs even more patience than trying to get a toddler to drop what he's performing and go to the vehicle to get in his auto seat (or, for that matter, to go anyplace, in a timely manner?) What could possibly be even more humbling than potty training? And is there any situation that calls for extra emotional self-manage than dealing with a 'terrible two' tantrum?


Immediately after reading various toddler management books, I have also concluded that toddler management strategies are basically all variations on age-old martial arts tactics. Consider:


Distraction: What parent hasn't utilised this time-honored technique to get their toddler to do, or permit, some thing they do not want? Require to change a diaper on a reluctant little 1? Give her your cell phone. Want to get her dressed? Turn on the Wiggles. It is essentially the equivalent of a karate 'feint' - distracting your opponent with a fake move in order to get at them elsewhere.


Let Them Exhaust Themselves: One book I read suggested commisurating with your toddler's frustrations for as long as it takes for them to move on. If they don't want to take a bath, you just preserve saying, 'No bath, no bath, I understand you don't want to take a bath.' Ultimately they just give up (or so the theory goes), given that all they really wanted was to be heard anyway, and they are too tired to keep objecting. This is comparable to a suggested fight technique - let your opponent set the pace and kind of combat, and attack as much as they want for awhile, although you just sit back and defend yourself, letting them exhaust themselves to the point exactly where you can make your move (of course this assumes you can defend your self for awhile.)


Redirect Their Energy To Your Own Benefit: Type of a variation on 'if you can't beat them, join them', with this approach you try and channel your toddler's obsessions into productive tasks. Got a toddler who loves to turn on the all the faucets in the house and play in the water? Fill a sink, or baby pool, with all his toys (or your tupperware) and let him clean them. A similar approach is especially common in 'softer' martial arts like Aikido, exactly where you use your opponent's energy against him, by deflecting his attacks in just such a way that he ends up injuring himself - performing your function for you.





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